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| "I want to set a good example for my children about eating right, but honestly, it’s hard to find time for anything but “convenience” foods and snacks. Plus I’d love to get rid of some of the extra pounds I’ve acquired since having kids." |
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| "Before we had kids, I felt like my husband and I really understood each other, but now it’s almost like we live on separate continents . . ." |
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| "I always thought fat was bad, but now I’m reading about “good fats.” What should I do?" |
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| "With two kids and two jobs, Doug and I never seem to have any time to be together just the two of us. You’re busier than ever, the days blur by, and then you look up and there’s your husband, and you realize that it’s been weeks, literally weeks, since you’ve done anything pleasant together. When we do get some time, it’s great and there’s a little glow in our relationship that lasts a couple days. We keep saying we have to do that more often. But it’s really hard." |
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| "Larry and I get along OK a lot of the time, but whenever we talk about who’s doing what or how we’re spending money, the fights can get really intense, sometimes even scary, and they never seem to settle anything." |
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| "Before we had children, I always thought Steve and I saw the world in the same way. But now it sometimes seems we are miles apart in our basic views of family life and how to raise our children. We need to talk about them but where do we start?" |
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| "Sometimes it seems like Eric and I are speaking different languages. For example, when I think we’re just talking about how we’re each feeling about something, he thinks we’re trying to identify some problem and solve it. I end up feeling like he’s not really listening to me, and he ends up feeling frustrated that we’re not getting anywhere." |
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| "I’ve been feeling down lately. Things that ought to be really enjoyable are just blah, I’m more irritable than usual, and all the changes I’ve gone through since becoming a mom a year ago seem to have finally caught up with me." |
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| "I’m so busy that often I’ll have coffee for breakfast and then a donut mid-morning. But then I crash a few hours later – plus I’m gaining weight. And I worry about my kids: how to get them to not live for sweets?" |
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| "Everybody tells you to exercise these days, but who’s got the time for it?!" |
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| Summertime means long, sunny days, no school, lazy weekends, family vacations – and lot’s more time with the kids.
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| "Our baby just had her first birthday, and my husband and I are getting along OK, but the problem is he’s really frustrated that we almost never make love because I usually feel too tired and “touched-out” when we finally get to bed." |
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| Before having kids, I had a lot of energy and felt very healthy. But now, with a 4 year old and a baby, I’m run down, I get colds frequently, and my menstrual cycle has gotten more intense. My doctor’s sympathetic but says I’m fine. What do you think? |
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| Last year, the holidays were crazy! I seemed to spend most of my time standing in line or carrying bags. We spent a small fortune on assorted complicated gizmos -- which got opened and then ignored as my daughter and son spent most of the day playing with $2.99 worth of stickers. We got stressed out in order to relax and suffered in order to have fun. My husband and I stared at each other across the the flotsam and jetsam of wrapping paper and various pieces of who-knows-what, and you could see the look in each of our eyes: Say what?! |
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| It’s three years since I became a mom, and I just can’t seem to lose about fifteen extra pounds Over the years, .I’ve tried the usual diets, and they maybe work for awhile, but I always go back to wherever I started. Plus now there’s Cassie and we’re so busy that it just happens that a lot of the time I grab a bagel or a slice of cold pizza and call it a meal. |
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| I’m really nervous about this flu season, and the baby and the rest of us getting sick. Besides getting a flu shot, what can we do? |
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| I did all the organizing for our son’s second birthday, hoping that Bob would help out during the party itself. But no, he spent the whole time talking with his buddies while I raced around doing everything, except for when he cut the cake and then looked at me like he deserved some kind of reward! I want someone who doesn’t need me to stamp my feet to get some help, who takes initiative with the kids and the house, whose mind is not elsewhere all the time. Somebody who does things because he wants to do his share, not just to get me off his back. I need to really feel like I have another half. |
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| When my friends without kids tell me they’re “so busy,” I have to laugh quietly to myself. Juggling two children, two mortgages, and two jobs, I have to run fast just to stand still. It all often seems like an incredible grind. I drop into bed exhausted, and then rev up the engines yet again when the alarm goes off in the morning. I feel a growing need for some sense of perspective. Otherwise, what’s the point? No doubt, I love my children SO MUCH. But what IS the point? Just a grind until they’re launched themselves? And then when my daughter becomes a mom herself, she just gets to go through it all over again? |
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| I’ve got hassles with my extended family. My husband’s parents were pretty strict, so that’s his inclination, but I’m trying to raise our children in more of an attachment parenting kind of way. So I get a lot of unwanted advice and comments about me “spoiling” our kids, etc. |
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| I’m not sick or anything, but I sure feel run down. What can I do – that’s simple and easy, since I’ve got an infant, a toddler, and a preschooler (yikes!) – to feel better? |
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| Sometimes I get so mad at my kids! Yes, they were misbehaving but I feel bad about getting angry with them. |
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| "I’ve been thinking more about my husband’s needs lately, and wondering what I might be able to do for him, even while swamped with kids, laundry, and all the rest. Any suggestions?" |
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| Expecting a baby is an amazing time for all family members. There are many new and exciting emotions that will be shared and experienced. All too often our canine family members are not included. Many families believe it best that they re-home their dog due to the changes and not knowing how to manage it all. Concerns about safety and time spent with their dog are on the mind. Good News! There are many proactive steps that can be taken ahead of time to help things go smoothly. Obedience, leadership as well as management are all essential keys to providing a safe and comfortable environment for all. |
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| "Both my toddler and his big sister seem to have a runny nose half the year, particularly during the winter. And their dad and I also have a cold more often than we'd like. Any advice?" |
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| "Sometimes I'm with my kids (or driving in traffic or talking to my husband or . . . ) and suddenly I'll start feeling angry or frustrated or sad -- and I don't understand where that came from. Other times, our preschooler will just start lashing out but he can't say what's bothering him. Any ideas?" |
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| I'm sick of fighting! Enrico and I love each other, but wow do we argue, especially since having children. Help! |
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| Since becoming a mom, I've begun experiencing more intense PMS. Is this normal? And what can I do? |
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| If our two-year-old sees me hugging her four-year-old big brother, she'll rush over - saying loudly, "No! My mommy! Go away!" - and try to push him away. He's getting more and more frustrated with her and starting to push back pretty hard. Their squabbles are already probably the biggest single source of stress in my life -- and it's getting worse. |
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| I feel like I have to walk around on eggshells with my husband and his family: If I'm not VERY careful, they get upset and either blame themselves or me or both. But the result is I have all this stuff bottled up inside. |
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| Last year, the holidays were crazy! I seemed to spend most of my time standing in line or carrying bags. We spent a small fortune on assorted complicated gizmos -- which got opened and then ignored as my daughter and son spent most of the day playing with $2.99 worth of stickers. We got stressed out in order to relax and suffered in order to have fun. My husband and I stared at each other across the flotsam and jetsam of wrapping paper and various pieces of who-knows-what, and you could see the look in each of our eyes: Say what?! |
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| Len and I are doing OK; for one, we don't argue as much as we used to. But something is still missing, some spark that used to be there. We're pleasant with each other and still make love but that whole deep connection thing we had before kids has really faded. |
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| It's funny: during my pregnancy, I took really good care of myself plus got a lot of attention and support from my doctor, husband, and relatives. Even strangers would stop me in the market and remind me to get lots of rest. But now, a year after Allie was born, I feel like I've fallen off of everybody's radar. It's like you're expected to do life - go to the job, do housework, drive around, shop, pay bills, get gas, etc. - just like before, as if the infant you're still super responsible for is not a factor at all. But she's a HUGE factor, of course! I think about her all the time, I'm the person who mainly takes care of her when I'm not at work, I still get up at night and don't sleeep that well, and I feel, honestly, more and more run down. And she's just a year old! Where is this going, and why doesn't anybody seem to notice?! |
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| Since having kids, I’ve been getting colds much more often, plus I developed a chronic rash that my doctor says is an autoimmune condition. Why is this happening to me? And what can I do? |
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| I admit it: things annoy me. Like drivers who don't signal, or husbands who always get home later than they say they will. I wonder, what in the world were they were thinking?! Sometimes the world seems like it's run by very stupid people. I don't want to be a grouch, so I bite my tongue most of the time. But I know my attitudes leak out. Tell me something deeper than the usual pap about every cloud has a silver lining, love your neighbor, don't sweat the small stuff, blah blah. |
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| One of Rick's clients tells this story. She and her husband have two children, a 12-year-old son and 16-year-old daughter (identifying details have been changed).
The other day I was having a real nice time with our daughter, and she suddenly got snitty over some bit of kidding her. With the idea of having her remember her parents' good qualities (me, of course), I said: "Aw, come on, am I really that bad, do I bug you that much?!"
She replied, "Yes. Actually, you do!"
In the spirit of trying to get to the bottom of things, and to help her see (I hoped) that there was really only a short list of parental failings, I said, "OK, it's alright, you get a free pass. Just tell me everything about me that bugs you."
Big mistake.
She said one thing - "You hum along with the radio when you're driving," or maybe it was "You never remember to get milk;" who can remember the details of that kind of trauma?! - and then I said, OK, what else? And she kept on going. And going. And going.
Each time I asked - OK, what else? - I thought that had to be the end of it. But NOOOOOOO, there was always something else: "You make me tell you where I am; what do you think, I'm on drugs? You hold hands with dad. You cry at dumb TV commercials. You look at me too much. You ask me lame questions about my friends. You butt into my business. You dance around to rock and roll. You play the TV too loud. We never have any food I like. You make me do the dishes. You don't help me with my homework. You do help me with my homework. You do everything wrong."
You get the idea.
I thought she had to run out of gas sometime. Uh, no, definitely not. The more things she thought about, the more things they reminded her of!
"You dress bad. My friends think you're weird. You take too many vitamins. You take too long in the bathroom. You say I can do things and then you say I can't. You give me little pats. You want to hug me. We're always out of shampoo. You always want to tell me how you feeeeel."
And so on . . . .
It was actually kind of a shocker. Maybe it seems a little funny, but it wasn't at the time. I knew we weren't perfect, far from it. but it sure was an awfully long list! Plus much of what was on it was about my good qualities, like being happy or loving.
But no way around it: here was my most excellent daughter - even-keeled, straight-A student, no real problems, had nice friends, and I love her to pieces - pretty annoyed with me. What to do?
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| I always thought fat was bad, but now I’m reading about “good fats.” What should I do?
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| My husband and I are polite and all, but our relationship feels sort of like doing business together rather than being mates. Honestly, I wish he was more supportive somehow, and I’m sure he secretly wishes the same from me. |
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| Here’s a comment about the holiday season that we have heard from many parents – and we’ve sometimes felt much the same way ourselves:
Last year, the holidays were crazy! I seemed to spend most of my time standing in line or carrying bags. We spent a small fortune on assorted complicated gizmos -- which got opened and then ignored as my daughter and son spent most of the day playing with $2.99 worth of stickers. We got stressed out in order to relax and suffered in order to have fun. My husband and I stared at each other across the flotsam and jetsam of wrapping paper and various pieces of who-knows-what, and you could see the look in each of our eyes: Say what?!
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